Have you ever been in a situation where you feel as if you’re left expecting the worst to happen? We excuse these kinds of thoughts by saying “at least I won’t be disappointed,” or “I’m not even getting my hopes up.” You just jump to a conclusion that things will never work out in your favor.
I tend to do this a lot, especially since I have been doing theatre from a very young age. In fact, almost every time I get through with an audition, those are exactly the thoughts I end up telling myself. In order to “not get disappointed,” I don’t even allow myself to think I got the role I auditioned for. We, as humans, tend to feel like getting our hopes up and being eventually let down is worse than constantly talking ourselves down and assuming the worst.
Eventually, I noticed that this was a routine with me. I would form new friendships and immediately assume they wouldn’t last. I would impress my boss at work and tell myself the feeling would fade. When I would consult with my friends about this, I realized that this routine is common in all of us. It’s not necessarily a me thing, but a we thing. These thoughts become so ingrained into our mindset and it becomes hard to shift. However, this is something that needs to change in all of us. Getting your hopes up is not bad. Feeling accomplished and proud is not bad. Expecting situations to end well is not bad. Even being disappointed if a situation doesn’t end well is not bad.
Stop looking for the bad in every scenario. Feeding yourself kind thoughts will assure a more positive attitude. Your own thoughts impact so many other areas of your life, including the outcome of every situation you are put into. After my auditions, I can tell myself “I tried my hardest, I killed it, and I have a great shot at getting that role,” instead of “I’m not even going to get my hopes up that I got the part, so when I don’t get it, I won’t be hurt or surprised.” Again, feeding yourself kind thoughts is key; it is okay to get your hopes up for something you want. Rather than looking for the bad parts, “my movement was too stiff, I messed up my first line, I started singing too early, my dancing was clumsy,” look for the good parts, “my pitch was great throughout the whole song, I did so good on that one dance move I thought I was going to mess up, my projection was perfect.” Focus on the good.
Look for things to appreciate. “Even if I don’t get the role I want, this show will be so fun, I’ll get to bond with my cast mates, and the audience will love it.” Having gratitude for the outcome you do have is so much healthier than dwelling on the outcome you could have had.
One of the hardest things for me to accept in situations like this is the fact that I have no control over what other people say or do. In my audition example, I ultimately have no control over what my director decides to do casting-wise. I have no say in who gets the role I want, but I do have a say in my words and my actions. If you tackle the situation with all you have and give it your all, you are not setting yourself up for disappointment. You have done all you can do.
Develop faith in yourself. Believe you can handle any outcome of the situation. If I end up not getting the role I want, I know I can handle it. Honestly, sometimes it is hard to believe things will work out in your favor. In this case, take a second to realize what all you have already accomplished and what is working.
Change your “I’m not good enough” attitude. Again, this isn’t a me thing, this is a we thing. We all have moments when we feel as if we are not good enough for a given task. “I shouldn’t even audition for this role because I’m not a good enough dancer,” “she’s a better singer than me, there’s no point in even trying.” Stop this. This has a huge effect on how we, as humans, consistently expect the worst to happen– because we aren’t good enough. It takes work, but once you change this mindset, you will notice that it becomes easier to believe in positive outcomes.
It’s important to catch these negative thoughts when they are occurring, and oppose them by doing something positive for you. When I am feeling insecure about my audition, I can take a second to breathe. Draw, go to the gym, do some yoga, take a shower, take a nap, cuddle with my dogs. Your mentality changes when you do things that calm your nerves and make you feel relaxed and happy. It’s easier to rid of these negative thoughts by juxtaposing them instead of dwelling.
Lastly, stop worrying. It’s easier said than done, I know, but truly– ask yourself if there is anything you can do to help the situation. If yes, take action that will make you feel more confident and ease your mind. If no, then worrying and stressing yourself out will not help your case. This is something I struggle with a lot as well, but it is worth taking the time to fix.
It is not bad to get your hopes up. To expect the best outcome. To look at a situation and be happy and confident in your performance. You are strong, and even if the outcome is the worst possible one, you can handle it. Look at every situation you encounter with a positive attitude, and take these steps to alter your mentality.
“If you believe it will work out, you will see opportunity. If you believe it won’t, you will see obstacles.” –Wayne Dyer
Let yourself be happy. There’s plenty to be happy about.
— mal
p.s. This post was inspired by Jen Picicci’s “Learning to Have Faith That All Is Well”
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