Wow! It’s 2026! I have so much I constantly want to say on my blog but I’m notorious at falling victim to ~task paralysis~, at least, that’s what I think it is. Sometimes, I want to do something so much, but the pressure of doing that specific task builds up and up and it makes me not do it. Maybe this is my ADHD (although I believe my mental state aligns more with OCD tendencies), maybe it’s fear (?), maybe it’s that I simply need to go back to therapy. Part of it is simply wanting my tasks to be perfect. I am a perfectionist (with potentially a lingering, undiagnosed OCD), and also a type A Virgo. Regardless, the new year is always a fresh start for me. It’s a chance to give myself grace, allow myself to start over, and realign myself with my goals and visions for myself.

I am many things– I am a wildlife conservationist, I am an educator, I am a bookseller, I am a musician, I am a crafter, but I am also a writer, and I want (need (want)) to stay true to that. Writing allows me to access the parts of myself that are hard, sticky, vulnerable, in-the-wrong, but it also allows me to access my joy, my pride, my humility, my progress in growing up as a person in the world. I’ve spoken before about how I put art into the world– in whatever format– simply for the purpose of putting art into the world. I need no audience, no recognition, no prize, no monetization, I create because I am many things, and they all tie together under the label ‘creator.’ I am a creator of things. They need no purpose other than to be created.

I’ve had this blog since I was 15! I’m now 25! Holy moly.

For almost every person I know, 2025 was a transformational year. Not necessarily in a good or bad way, but in a way that helps us grow. Brooklyn discovered her passion, got her dream job offer, and also got engaged! Chelcie is having a BABY! Morgan found her person and had a pivotal career shift! Annie and two of my Olivias had babies (all boys)! Payten retired from his football career and is finding a new path in his life. My mom is moving up in her career, gaining independence, and finding new ways to put herself first. My dad has discovered a new passion– flipping storage units!

Hayden and I moved out of our hometown. We have moved before, but I have an entire blog post on how that was nothing like we thought it would be. I was scared to move again because picking up those shattered shards from Chicago was hard and messy and I kept cutting my hands on the edges. But we did it, and we couldn’t be happier.

Now, I’m coming to you live from sunny St. Petersburg, Florida. It’s perfect. It’s bright and vibrant and friendly and outgoing and everyone that lives here loves living here. There’s a big city feeling with lots of night life and events and hustle and bustle, but there’s also quiet countryside areas that are perfect to cozy up in. There is a plethora of wildlife, something that’s important to me when considering a place to live. There’s swamps and rivers and beaches but there’s also skyscrapers! The community here is such a community. They support their local economy and they organize cleanups and they care about the environment. They host free events solely for the purpose of connecting with community. It’s far enough away from my hometown to feel like I got out of my hometown, but just close enough to go back to for the weekend if I need a hug from my mama.

Last year, I also traveled to two countries– something I never envisioned myself doing. Hayden and I went to Costa Rica, and it was marvelous. We stayed in the world’s coziest cabin 30 minutes outside of La Fortuna in the jungle– I’m talking in the jungle. We saw tons of wildlife– wild peacocks and sloths and coatis and even a poison dart frog! We went to the beautiful beaches of Manuel Antonio, and we went on a coffee and chocolate tour, and we even went ziplining (against my wishes, but I’m still very glad we did). In Costa Rica, I really learned the meaning of ethical tourism, which has snowballed into one of my biggest passions. We traveled for the first time as Hay and Mal, just the two of us. We even rented a car because we are old now.

Then, I did something even scarier. A few months into the year, I discovered an opportunity on Instagram, of all places, to travel to South Africa for wildlife conservation. I filled out an application thinking that there was no way I would get accepted because I had no formal science background. That trip turned my world upside down.

I have always always always had a passion for animals. My mom showed me my award-winning portrait of a flamingo that I did in Kindergarten titled ‘Adventures of the Animals.’ I went into college initially as a Marine Biology major. Then, I let peoples’ opinions and experiences get into my head and create a snowball of self-doubt, so I switched majors to Physics. The same thing happened. Self confidence was something I always struggled with, and at the ripe age of eighteen, it wasn’t any better. I switched to an ‘Undecided’ major, then ended up obtaining an Associates degree in Business and a Bachelor’s degree in Marketing.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always had a passion for marketing, too, ever since I was a teenager. But I studied marketing in school because I let other people who barely knew me convince me that my dreams were too big. I did the same thing after my final high school curtain call, stars in my eyes, eager to get to every Broadway audition I could get to, before my high school director told me that I wasn’t good enough.

Even during college, I still had dreams of working with animals. For my independent study project, I decided to do a study on animal captivity. I volunteered at a lemur rescue, a rescue/rehab/release aquarium, a dairy farm, and at a wild bird rescue. I even got certified to perform CPR on dogs and cats all to complete my study. Yet, I still ended up with a marketing degree.

After college, I thought it was too late. To do research or work hands-on with animals, you often need a biology degree, which was never my forte. I excelled in math-based science like chemistry and physics, but biology and anatomy were always difficult for me. I focused on the dreams that everyone told me were realistic, and I managed to make a pretty good name for myself. That need, that fire, that passion was always in me, just shoved aside.

In 2022, I switched to a vegan diet after learning more in-depth the cruelty of the meat and dairy industry. In 2023, I became an environmental advocate, and in 2024, a climate change advocate. In 2025, I officially gave myself the title of conservationist, because I learned that truly, anyone who cares about wildlife and about animals and about the environment can be a conservationist.

In South Africa, I learned that there was space for me. When I got back, I focused on the skills I already had and the name I made for myself, and dedicated my marketing background to elevating conservation efforts. I also learned vital field skills in South Africa that I can carry with me through my new career– tracking wildlife using radio telemetry, studying footprints and dung (yes, poop, you won’t believe the amount of wildlife poop that I held in my bare hands), I volunteered at a rhino rescue facility, followed vervet monkeys through the jungle, took notes on the behavior of male giraffes vs female giraffes, and even got to visit the Jane Goodall Institute only weeks before she passed away.

I had an unfortunate wake-up call a few months after South Africa when I realized that the one who was supposed to be my mentor was, in fact, not meant to be my mentor. This happens in every field, but the truth is that despite that setback, no one can take away my experience and everything I took away from that trip.

Shifting my career when it’s only just begun is scary, but exciting. It’s daunting, but joyful. Although I’m just getting my foot in the door, I’m so excited for the possibilities to come– in two months, I’m off to Cambodia to stay in a gibbon monkey research facility and explore Elephant Valley Project with a different mentor. I’m so excited to keep walking in this journey that I’ve dreamed of since I was a child, but never trusted myself enough to go for.

The time is now, though. If no one else is going to have confidence in me, I must have it in myself. My friend Addie always says, “I am the woman of my dreams,” and that’s the mentality you must have in order to follow your heart’s desires. I am doing the things that scare me. I moved cities, and I’m chasing my dreams. And yes, I’m 25, but another thing I learned this year is that it’s never too late.

What else happened in 2025? Hayden and I celebrated five years together. He is my rock, my source of inspiration, my grounding force, my cheerleader. When no one else has confidence in me; when even I don’t have confidence in me, he always does. My daughter, my golden retriever, my sweet Sophie Jane turned two in August. She’s the light of my life. I officially became an owner and CMO of my marketing firm, which was one of my dreams throughout my education as well. I worked with amazing clients who fulfill me, and I worked with terrible clients who belittled me. I learned and I grew, and now I’m the world’s prettiest 25 year old Chief Marketing Officer.

I laughed a lot and learned a lot and smiled a lot and cried a lot. Through my move, I carried with me the love of a job that treated me so well. In my hometown, I worked at an independent bookstore called The Bookshelf, and it fulfilled my heart in every way. There was constant support, reassurance, positive reinforcement, communication, community, and so much fun. Not one single time did I ever wake up and think, “I don’t want to go to work today.” I just got to see them over the holidays and it swelled my heart. There’s so many lessons to be learned in a job that values you and treats you well and curates the healthiest environment.

While I was laughing and learning and smiling and crying, the world was falling apart. Many countries were facing genocide, war, poverty, colonization, brutality, and injustice. Families were being torn apart in the middle of the workday. Rainforests were being bulldozed and wildlife protections were being lifted. Labubus and the Starbucks Bear Cup were dominating my social media algorithms. Shein hit record numbers. Coral reef bleaching reached a tipping point. The Slender-Billed Curlew and the Christmas Island Shrew went extinct, amongst others. Children died where they should have been learning math.

I told my therapist that it makes me feel guilty to be upset over not getting the job, having anxiety attacks over my work schedule, not having room in the budget for my ceremonial-grade matcha powder. It made me feel guilty because when the sun rose, a child on the opposite side of the world had a home and a family and by the time the sun set, she had none of that anymore.

I’m trying to come up with a hopeful way to end this instead of a depressing declaration of the state of the world, but I have none. It is hopeful to me to say to be kind to each other, to never stoop to violence, to listen, even to those you disagree with. It makes me feel hopeful to say to never give up even though it seems like that is the only option.

Times are scary, but cling tight to each other. Cling tight to yourself and to your dreams. Create art just to create art, not for reward. Travel responsibly to a new place, change your career if it’s been weighing heavy on your heart. Try something new– yoga, painting, playing an instrument, anything. Cling tight to what matters and stand tall against injustice.

I love you. Happy new year. It’s a fresh start.

— mal

p.s. if you made it this far, I made a new Instagram account to document my career change to conservation. It will be a blast if you want to follow along!

young, dumb, & twenty-ish