Change.
I began part one with expressions of how much I hated change. In some ways, I’m still keen to planning and organization, but naturally with growth comes more of a willingness (or maybe, a forceful shove) to adapt. Growing up is anything and everything not going your way. I can sit here with my forest green, color-coded planner and plan each day minute by minute, but at the end of the week, I would guess 10-15% of it would actually go as planned. So, we adapt. We change; and it’s not as scary as it once was to me.
I published part one in June of 2018; I was seventeen years old. I had just gotten a job as a barista at my favorite place in town. I was friends with everyone who worked there, and the brick walls were an escape from my teenage hell. I could just sip on some super sweet coffee, do my homework, chat with my friends, and live in my own little bubble until the sun went down and they had to lock the doors. Getting a job there felt so special. All I wanted in those high school years was to be a part of something special, which I now realize is why I overworked myself with activities and clubs, even ones that I didn’t necessarily enjoy.
Now I’m going on 24, and I just quit that job. This is my first week of unemployment, and it’s been so strange to navigate. I will say, over the past six years, my career at Coffee Shop has been on and off. In the beginning, I was very fortunate to have a boss that would allow me to just be a teenager. When I was pre-occupied with sports or musicals or marching band, there was rarely an issue with me having time off. Then, in 2019, I graduated high school (I have a post about that, too)! I ventured off to college in south Florida in August of 2019, and worked at Coffee Shop until three days before move-in. That same boss let me work during Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, even if I just came home for a weekend, there was a spot open for me if I wanted. In March of 2020, during my second semester of college, I got forcibly sent home for the foreseeable semester because of COVID-19. After I came home, I decided that I wanted to stay home. South Florida School wasn’t really the school for me, so I decided to finish my first two years at home (online), and get my Associates Degree from Hometown Community College.
During COVID, Coffee Shop closed down for a little while. But as soon as they opened back up, there was a place for me. I always, always appreciated how Boss #1 consistently made a place for me.
I kept working at Coffee Shop, then in May of 2021, I decided to stay with my aunt for the summer in Texas! As amazing as that was, when I came home in July, there was a place for me at Coffee Shop.
Fast forward a few more months to May of 2022, when I put my two-weeks notice in for the first time. Boss #1 was (against my wishes) no longer at the company; we were, in a way, boss-less. My boyfriend, some friends, and I (ironically, all four of us worked at Coffee Shop) decided to move to Chicago. I had an internship lined up already, and they knew of our departure months in advance. For the first time, I was a little nervous. Chicago was never supposed to be permanent, I had planned on coming back home, but I was never sure if there was a place for me anymore. About 80% of the staff that I loved so dearly in the beginning had come and gone by this point, we were undergoing a management change, and soon (though I didn’t know it yet), a change in ownership. Everything felt up in the air.
I came back home (a little earlier than expected, but still) in January of 2023. Coffee Shop now had 90% new staff, my last few friends were about to leave, there was a new boss, a change in owners, and everything (literally everything except the drink recipes) was different. I even had a new position! I was trusted to take on more of a leadership role (though, they never wanted to call me a manager), but still, I was excited for it. In a way, I was just happy that there was a place for me, but… there really wasn’t.
This is the type of change that I had trained myself to adapt to. I knew that the staff was different, I knew about the change in owners, I knew about the new management, I just desperately wanted that feeling back of family, love, support, the feeling of having a place.
I stayed in my position until December 2023, last month, when I officially couldn’t take it anymore. I tried so hard to adapt to the changes. If I could unexpectedly adapt and move back home from across the country, surely I could adapt to new Coffee Shop, right? I just couldn’t. Boss #1 was definitely tough, but she cared, a lot. About us. Her priority was her teammates, our happiness. She would send us home for the day if she even caught a whiff of burnout. She’s the one who made me care so much. Boss #2 cared a lot, too, but about different things. She cared about her higher-ups, and about sales, and about customers. Burnout was part of the job, exhaustion was expected, a smaller team was better because we didn’t have to pay as many people, overtime was common. When we eventually hired another manager, concerns were consistently swept under the rug, and the environment became too toxic for even me to bear.
I realized once Coffee Shop tried to reprimand my boyfriend for voicing concerns that it would no longer be the Coffee Shop that was once my home. Everyone I used to work with is gone, sans three people, staff is too low on the priority list, voices are not heard, I will never move up from my position, and I knew, now, there is no place for me anymore.
I never stopped caring about Coffee Shop, and I probably never will. I choose to see this as an opportunity. I finally graduated college in May with my Bachelors degree in marketing and my Associates degree in Business. I had the best time doing my internship in Chicago, and I am ready to throw myself full-on into the world of marketing. Plus, I got to be a leader this past year. I learned what kind of leader I want to be in the future, and what kind of leader I don’t want to be.
I suppose this is my official farewell to Coffee Shop. I’m actually sitting here now (no, not in my corner booth, there’s people at that table unfortunately for me) writing this and it feels good. It feels like closure. Maybe there’s not a place for me here, but I have plenty of places now. I’m so excited to find a job that makes my insides radiate warmth and makes my smile glow and I know it will come when it’s meant to.
I ended part one with this:
Find that outlet that pushes you to embrace change, not run from it. And when you find that confidence within yourself, it will feel like pure sunshine.
It’s still true, almost six years later. Farewell, Coffee Shop. Thanks for the past six years of memories, good and bad, thanks for the customers that make my whole face light up as soon as they walk in, the loads and loads and loads of friends made, and most importantly… thanks for all the free coffee.
On to the next!
— mal
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