Change.
I’m not sure how to begin this post other than by stating that I hate change. I like schedules and planning and lists. Of course, spontaneity is much needed from time to time and can make anybody feel more adventurous and more alive. However, when it comes to actual change, I constantly find myself struggling with adjustment.
A little over a year ago, my family and I moved into a new house across town– a change that everybody goes through at one point in their life. Part of me was excited to move closer to town and closer to school, but a majority of me was terrified. My old house was out in the country, I could see miles and miles of Lake Riverside from my huge backyard, cars rarely traveled down my neighborhood, and I was friends with all of my sweet neighbors. We lived on the lake since my family moved to Thomasville, and it was all I knew. It wasn’t hard to be inspired by nature when I could hear crickets chirping from my window or star-gaze on my dock or take the boat out onto the water and just lay out for hours. Living in town is great, don’t get me wrong. It took me a while, but I got used to my new house; even grew to love it. The streets are busy and I don’t know my neighbors, but there are a lot of perks. But I didn’t always love it.
It took me so long to adjust– so long to be comfortable in my own bed and so long to look outside and be happy with the view. I knew there was nothing wrong with it, I just knew that I was scared of the change. Big or small, I can openly admit that I so often find myself running away from change rather than facing it. Even if it is a good change, I still run from anything that’s not according to schedule.
However, something in my life has changed so much recently and for once, I don’t feel the need to run. I got a job at a local coffee shop, and it seems like something so small, but it is a shop that is so near and dear to my heart. I’ve been a loyal, every-day customer for years now, and that little booth in the corner of the shop has been there for me through love, heartache, loss, disappointment, thrill, happiness, new experiences, and everything in between. This is the one place in Thomasville that I feel such a strong connection to and getting to be a part of it seems like something so small to everybody else but this opportunity is one of the best parts about my days.
There’s so much to love about coffee.
Coffee represents endless diversity and culture throughout the world. Each blend is created so uniquely and so many different elements are incorporated into each one, and as many coffee shops have blends from all over the world, it is so amazing that something so small as coffee beans can represent such a bigger unity.
I feel like this can very well be a metaphor for my life at the moment. Something so small as a new job represents something so much bigger in myself. Getting up in the morning genuinely excited to go to work proves to myself that for the first time, I’m not running away from something that’s changing my life.
This job proves to myself that I am on the road to improving.
I recently had the opportunity to participate in a local scholarship pageant and one of the questions I was asked by the judges was what I thought my best and worst qualities were. After thinking about it, I honestly answered that I think my worst quality is being scared of adjustment and running from change. I talked about how I have a tendency to overthink when I’m not running on a schedule and how this constant fear of mine has such an effect on my daily life.
Things as little as a new wall color, or a teacher moving classrooms, or a new phone have the capability to throw me off for the rest of the day. Big changes are even worse– the dissipation of a friendship, or the loss of a family member, or moving all the way across town.
Even though this coffee shop is a place that I love, this job opportunity is something I would have been scared of in the past. I know I’ve been talking about it a lot on social media, but it feels so great to not only wake up every day and be excited about going to work, but to be so genuinely proud of myself every day.
Proud that I have proven to myself that I can overcome this fear of mine. Proud that I have the courage to take on this opportunity. Proud that I have found an outlet to discover new confidence in myself.
To any readers who also struggle with embracing change, you are not alone. Change is freaking scary, no matter who you are. Some are more relaxed about it than others, but some have trouble confronting it, and it is okay. Big or small, you have two options at the end of the day: you can run from change, or you can face it head-on. I have been running from change my whole life, and it’s not an easy thing to overcome, but it is definitely so much easier when you have an outlet.
Find that outlet.
Whether it’s a hobby, or a person you love, or your favorite place, or a job.
Find that outlet that pushes you to embrace change, not run from it. And when you find that confidence within yourself, it will feel like pure sunshine.
– mal
Leave a comment